At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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