Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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