even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
