dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
