dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
