it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
