I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
