at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
