If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
