I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
