Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
