I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
