I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
