I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
