you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
