The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
