i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
