Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
