That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Duck Duck Cougar?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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