I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
