Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
