My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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