How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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