matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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