who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
