I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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