Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
