i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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