New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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