oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
