And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
