If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
