shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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