I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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