I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
