90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
