physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
