too bad you live with your parents still
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
