Four minutes until I can fart!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
