Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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