I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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