The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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