too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
