allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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