he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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