Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
