I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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