there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i've created a new STD.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
