I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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