Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
