everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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